Turning 25 has left me feeling a bit like I have been hit by an adorable but powerful VW Buggy:  I can walk away and play it off but I’m pretty bruised. Twelve-year-old me thought that by this point in my life, I would have been rolling in the dough, married and in the career of my dreams. You can’t say I didn’t dream big 🙂 Twelve-year-old me was unrealistic, to put it mildly. While I am not even close to where I want to end up, I feel like I am off to a pretty great start.

With this life milestone, I wanted to share some advice I have learned from my quarter-century on this planet:

If You Put Yourself Out There with Tact and Grace, You Can’t Go Wrong

Easier said than done but really important. From dating to applying for jobs: PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. It’s terrifying. I get it. The idea of even responding to text messages from a love crush is enough to make me nauseous. I’m in the terror boat with you. With the fear of vulnerability comes the fear of rejection and embarrassment. But let’s look at what is on the other side of those fears: hmmm, oh right, everything great in life! If we step out of our fear boat, hold our head high and lead with respect (mixed with a little bit of an “I don’t give a %^&” attitude), we can walk out of any situation looking courageous, brave, and strong.

Follow me on this: Let’s say there is a person you think is cute or there is a company you want to work for. You can put yourself out there by asking the cute person to go out for coffee or by asking that company for an informational interview. In both situations, you are the initiator and realistically have most of the control. You’re working to figure out if either is a good move to further pursue. You are pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Regardless of the outcome, an official date or having your resume forwarded to the hiring manager, you learned a lot, you put yourself out there, and you deserve a cookie (or an adult beverage!). By putting yourself out there, you are knocking on doors of opportunity and seeing which ones were just waiting to be knocked on. You aren’t demanding to be let in but rather putting yourself out there to be noticed, to grow, and to become a better version of yourself. By stepping out of your comfort zone, even by the littlest of steps, it pushes you closer to the you that you want to become. From my own experience, the newer you is pretty cool 🙂

Walk Away From Things That No Longer Serve You or Have Never Served You

One of my favorite quotes that I have ever seen on Pinterest was, “learn to love the sound of your feet walking away from things that no longer serve you.” Hearing that makes me imagine a pair of black stiletto Louboutins walking away with the powerful clicking of a self-made Wonder Woman. Some jobs, some friendships, some romantic relationships, and some habits have felt good, comfortable, or good for you emotionally but now are a source of unnecessary anxiety, bring out the worst in you, or are just BAD for you. Take a deep breath and start to walk away. Say your piece respectfully and move on to your next launching pad. If you stay, you will become a product of the situation (your environment) and if you leave, you will have learned a valuable lesson and will be ready for the next challenge. It’s going to hurt and it’s not going to be easy.  You will second guess everything along the way but the more you push yourself, the faster you will become the best version of yourself. Leaving the bad, the negative and the hurtful leaves more room for the positive and the healthy.  More opportunity for you to be you.

I remember back when I had one of my first “relationships.” (What is modern dating these days?) We wanted completely different things. I wrapped up my self-worth in that relationship and was afraid to communicate about anything negative. I was unhappy and too terrified to change anything. After months of dating and days of self-pep talks and “you can do its,” I walked away. I told him that this wasn’t working for me and that I couldn’t keep living like this. While I couldn’t even look at his face while I did it and cried three seconds after driving away, I did it and I’m better for it. I got to experience other relationships and learn more about myself. My communication skills are miles away from where they once were but I’m still refining them. I learned that while walking away can be terrifying, staying and living in something that no longer serves you is downright harmful.  You are allowing something to eat at you and take something away from you. You don’t have time for that and you deserve more than that. Out ya go!

Be unapologetically yourself all versions of you. 

I split myself into two basic people: my inner twelve-year-old girl and the bada$$ woman I am becoming. It’s hard to be patient with both sides but the balancing act is part of figuring everything out. Some days you make all your necessary doctors appointments (annual physical, annual dental cleaning, etc.) and other days getting out of your comfy flannel onesie PJs is a struggle. Regardless of which part of myself is most present, I try to take it as it comes – the anxiety, the need to push myself forward and plan every detail, and sometimes the sass of a young RBG. The more you know yourself, the more you can work to accept yourself. The road to acceptance is a long one and as far as I can tell, it is something that I will be working on well into my 90’s. I’m learning to sit in my own emotions, be patient with all my insecurities, and accept who I am as a person.

I have been trying to breathe through stressful times and let myself feel a wide variety of emotions before trying to distract myself by planning out graduate courses, post masters degree plans, and more. I am working on sitting in my own thoughts, wading through my own mind, and exploring the vast and complicated organism that is me. To put it most simply, I am trying to become my own friend, better understand how to work with all versions of myself, and be kind and understanding to myself when I’m not on my “A” game.

Sidenote: If you are looking for a good book to help you with this, check out The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha. My cousin got me the book as a present when I got into graduate school and I purchased five copies to give as gifts this Christmas. I am obsessed! It’s one of those books that I will likely read every year and get something different from it every time. A new Who Moved My Cheese, if you will 🙂

Find your own life struggle and get ready to plow through it

Your 20’s are a time where you set your boundaries and start to find your struggle but not quit your stride. Struggle and focus made Ruth into the Notorious RBG, Misty Copeland into an amazing athlete, and Malala Yousafzai into a Nobel Prize laureate. From college and into your early/mid 20’s is all about figuring out what your passion is. Your mid/late 20’s is about building the armor (education, grit, determination, and thicker skin) to plow your way through to get there. Your journey will be much longer than you think.  Life will throw you some curveballs but if you are used to working in the trenches, you’ll keep rising.

Let’s talk about the value of the curveball. Sometimes in the moment, you won’t be able to see the forest for the trees. You don’t get the job you want, don’t get accepted to the graduate program or a relationship results in a breakup. Look for your next move viewing this as a sign that the universe is responding to you with “Ummm, let’s try this. This is going to lead you to your next adventure and you are going to be so excited to see where this takes you.” Trust in the karma, the universe, and the power of you.

Other quick tips: Find a therapist you jive with, drink water, moisturize, and try to enjoy the journey (be mindful). Also, buy the socks below!

See ya next time!